I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize