The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
