i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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