i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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