When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm just crazy horny about you
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
