too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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