Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
