I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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