yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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