just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
