did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i out mim tonsoeep
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
