Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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