So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
