Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
