Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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