Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I am spending my child support on dildos
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
