Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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