Please, let me fuck your mom
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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