No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
