OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
