I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
