sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
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I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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