I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
