nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
