I feel like abortions should bother me more
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
