who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
third nipple confirmed
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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