Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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