Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.

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(281): View more from Texas

Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.

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(773): View more from Illinois

Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.

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(320): View more from Minnesota

Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.

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(760): View more from California

It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.

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(314): View more from Missouri

I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.

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(703): View more from Virginia

You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.

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(845): View more from New York

He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest

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(330): View more from Ohio

it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body

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