Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
