I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
