I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
