last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
