Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
