Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
