So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
