think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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