Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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