Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
