So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
