you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
