I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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