the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
