Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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