Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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