Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
