i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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