trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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