Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
