Just cropdusted the office
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
