Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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