I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
