I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
