3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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