Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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