He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
