one might say we're banned from that church
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
