saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No subtext here. People are naked.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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