This dress was meant to end up on your floor
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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