She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
