In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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