Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize