Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
