Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
