I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
