these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
