can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
