so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
