I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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