sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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