Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
