Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
