the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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