I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
