new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
