2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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