I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
