I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
