i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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