dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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