She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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