my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
