Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
