Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
