You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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