Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
