chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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