At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
