Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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