Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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