a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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