I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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