Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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