I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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