i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
