My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
