my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
