STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
